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[10 Sep 2005|10:44am] |
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new lj: ohjessyoh
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| This is orgasmic |
[08 Sep 2005|10:42pm] |
I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it--
A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot
A paperweight,
My face featureless, fine
Jew linen.
Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?--
The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.
Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me
And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.
This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.
What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see
Them unwrap me hand and foot--
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies
These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,
Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.
The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut
As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical
Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:
'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge
For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart--
It really goes.
And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood
Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.
I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby
That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.
Ash, ash--
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there--
A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.
Herr god, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
-Sylvia Plath "Lady Lazarus"
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[08 Sep 2005|10:37pm] |
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The the first that comes into mine and Ivy's head in the morning is "how are we going to get crack today"
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[06 Sep 2005|10:45pm] |
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I pretty much always make the same mistakes over and over and over again. I should probably stop but I'm not going to.
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[05 Sep 2005|09:23am] |
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oh me oh my :) last night was fun. now I have to recover and go to work.
You said I began
This messy state of love affair
And I drink too much and smoke too fast
And this city's cleared my innocence
Coffee is pouring out my ears
It’s the only thing they have in here
And my heart stops beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
Number tree still on my plate
I heard the trains are running late
And I laugh out loud
My life is a mess
I have gone too far
In my lifelessness
Another coffee it’s on the house
The poor girl look is on the owners spouse
And my heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
Outside your house
To make a scene
In my head you grabbed me passionately
But the lights are out
And in an hour I walked on home
In the pouring shower
Lost my keys in front of me
My neighbor's smile he’s handing me
The blackest coffee you will ever see
And my hearts stoppes beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
And when it stops it stops
My heart stopped beating
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[04 Sep 2005|03:42am] |
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I had a great talk with luke tonight. It really helped me clear my head alot. Thank goodness. I am going to be happy soon (hopefully) I am working on it. I am very happy that I am not the person I used to be and that I can get hurt even though it sucks very very very much. Cameron I really want you to be happy honestly and if that means being happy with my best friend then go right ahead. However, if that is the case then don't go behind my back doing it. If we are going to be friends then I would much rather you talk to me about these things so that I don't have to find out about them on my own. I really wish I had been a better friend to certain people. It seems as though the people that I worked really hard to have a close friendship with pretty much died i.e. Dan. I suppose that is to be expected with friendships. I am meeting alot of interesting people here so that is great I guess. I am very glad I have Josh, Tammy, and Ivy. They rule very very very much. Last night sucked. We were supposed to have lots of kickass fun but it didn't happen and I got bored and tired so I went to bed. I am lame :) Tonight might be fun. It better be or I'm going to kill Josh since I am leaving it completely up to him to make the plans tonight. Work is lame. Life is good.
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[02 Sep 2005|08:51am] |
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Yesterday was awesome. Claires called and said that I didn't have to into to work so I cleaned my room since Ivy just never ever does it. Josh, Tammy and I went out to lunch at this mexican place even though Tammy was the only one who ate but it was still fun. When we got back to the room, Ivy was dying so we took her to the doctor and it turns out that she has a urinary tract infection :( Later we all went to see the skeleton key and nobody watched it because everyone was scared shitless. It was c-u-t-e. All in all, yesterday was fun and hopefully this weekend will be too. Everyone that was supposed to go home isn't anymore since gas prices are way high. Thank goodness for high prices otherwise I would have been left here alone. I really miss a few people but I am glad that I am meeting new people and such. September 23rd I am going up to D.C. with Josh to see Q and not U's last show. I don't really like them as much as I used to but hey, what the hell? I need to get a paycheck so I can get the rest of my tattoos. I am poor. I hope everyone else is doing well!
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[01 Sep 2005|01:41am] |
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life is good. he tells secrets like I do.
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[30 Aug 2005|05:46pm] |
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Right when I thought my life was mine and my heart was working for me. I realized this blood was flowing for you.
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[27 Aug 2005|06:47pm] |
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why is cruel intentions on abc family? why?
Last night was okay. I got to see steffy and people. I love her since she wishes the clouds would fall on her also.
After the show I slept over at camerons since my big mama didnt want me driving back so late. However, I had to be at work in greensboro at 9 30 and my phone alarm didn't go off so I was hella late. I miss my boy. I miss him much. Tomorrow I have to drive allll the way back to charlotte just to get my social security card. laaaaaame. oh well. I want to do something tonight but I dont know where anyone is.
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[25 Aug 2005|10:36am] |
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bored |
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I want to come home and get wasted....again.
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[22 Aug 2005|09:17am] |
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 complacent |
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im going to be legal soon i think.
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[08 Aug 2005|10:08am] |
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I'm moving on thursday :( Before then I absolutely must see the following people:
Steffy
Will
Sam
Cameron
Phil
AJ
Brent
K83
Julie
Jewliah
Peter
Matt
Stewy
That is about it and I will be happy.
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[01 Aug 2005|10:05pm] |
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we dont want to sleep tonight
still young like that I count the lines
beside your mouth that smiles now
my arms reach up as you go down
with buried heads we both forget
all of the past and its regret
wind picks up the window shakes
but we wont hear the morning break
you will cry
and I will cry
because all the love's
alive tonight
neighbors will try to dream
while you and me we hold and leans
onto bodies slick and charged
together just one beating heart
all around us quiet now
we hear the leaves fall to the ground
morning light upon our bed
an ally while I catch your breath
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[30 Jul 2005|08:03pm] |
I'm in love. Maybe its a little late. It probably is but all I can say is how I feel. Regardless of whether or not people believe it or if Cameron does (which I pray that he does) but I have to be severly honest with myself from now on and not vague b/c that is not fair to myself or anyone else. This trip has been fun though, I have gotten to spend a lot of time with steph and katie and that is awesome. I really miss everyone though and I'm going to be normal from now on and not psycho. However, once again with something bad that I do comes something good and I keep changing but it keeps being for the better. I hope everyone can notice that butmost importantly I know it. :)
With tonz of love,
Miss Jessica Leigh Lord
This love isn't good unless it's me and you.
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[27 Jul 2005|03:05pm] |
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Too much shit is going on for me to handle. Matt and I are hanging out tonight which makes me exuberant. :) Then steffy, katie and I are going to the beach all weekend. I am more excited then ever ever ever ever. I'm sorry for everything Cameron but don't think that everything we shared means nothing to me because that is not the case at all. I talked to Ivy, my future roomate, today and she is crazy! We talked for 2 hours straight about every possible topic. Her dad is a preacher and she is the stereotypical preachers daughter(tattoos/piercings/bad habits that her daddy is completely unaware of). We are meeting in gboro next week to hang out and get to know each other more but we already seem really alike from our telephone conversation. The first thing she asked me was "do you smoke? please tell me you smoke" haha. I am just very excited. I wish I could hang out with Luke before I leave. We have been through alot together and we aren't going to be able to hang out. But I guess that is fine if it means other people don't feel uncomfortable about things but it still makes me really sad. Sorry loulou. I'm sorry to ashley if I gave you any concrete reason not to trust me but just know that nothing has/will ever happen. I'm not that kind of person and I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. Steffy, thanks for being awesome and my babygirl. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and who you are, you make me so happy and yr the only one who does that for me lately so it means alot to me. Matt and Dan, I miss you guys alot, I wish we were how we used to be. Oh well.
hugs&kisses,
Miss Jessica Leigh Lord
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[25 Jul 2005|11:30am] |
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1
name? jessy
birthdate? august 24
birthplace? rawk hill sc
current location? charlotte, nc
eye colour? hazel
hair colour? brown
height? 5'1-2 ish
righty/lefty? righty
zodiac sign? virgo
innie/outtie? innie
2
describe...
your heritage? french indian, scottish and whatever my dad is
the shoes you wore today? katies vans
your weaknesses? cancers
your fears? uhhhuhhh im not sure. being alone maybe.
your perfect pizza? no pizza!
one thing you’d like to achieve? being a good friend
3
what’s your most overused word/phrase? hello
your first thoughts waking up? im not sure
the first feature you notice on someone? hair
your best physical features? hair
your bedtime? when im tired (early)
greatest fear? i dunno
your most missed something? nothing
4
pepsi/coke? neither
mcD’s/bk? neither
single/group dates? doesnt matter
adidas/nike? nikes
chocolate/vanilla? chocolate
cappuccino/coffee? latte
boxers/briefs? boxer briefs
5
do you do drugs? sometimes
curse? dirty south style hahah
sing well? probably not but i do it anyways
do you think you’ve been in love? yes
want to go to college? in it
like high school? yep it was great
want to get married? yes
type with fingers on the right keys? no
get motion sickness? no
think you’re attractive? yeah
think you’re a health freak? no
get along with parents? only one
like thunderstorms? yes
6
in the last month did you...
consume alcohol? yes
have sex? yes
make out? yes
go on a date? yes
go to the mall? yes
eat an entire box of oreos? no
go skating? no
make homemade cookies? yes
be in love? yes
go skinny dipping? sort of
dye your hair? no
steal something? no
7
have you ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing? yes secks!!!!!!
been trashed or completely intoxicated? yes
been caught " doing something "? more than enough
been called a " tease "? yep
shoplifted? yes
8
age you hope to be married? doesnt matter
age you hope to have kids? 17
numbers and names of children? girl- georgia anne/boy- beau riley
describe your dream wedding? outside with everything in white and silver and none of my family
how do you want to die? hopefully having my body cut into pieces by a serial killer who then proceeds to have sex with my various severed body parts
where do you want to go to college? who knows.
what do you want to be when you grow up? a psychologist
most want to visit? visit what?
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[20 Jul 2005|10:16am] |
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I finally got a new car. My stepdad paid for it in full and I only have to give him 100 bucks a month which is fine with me. Thanks Steffy for going with me to get all the shit together and for hanging out with me alot lately. I have had so much fun and yr an awesome girl no matter what people may say to you. Plus yr not dumb for thinking that Dungeons and Dragons sucks, no matter what Dan says. Last night Steffy, Cammmmmeron, AJ, Katie, Jewliah, Victoria, Arthur, Geoff, Scott, and Will went to see Hot Hot Heat. The show was pretty good, Cameron and I left after the first three songs that Hot Hot Heat played. But we had a good conversation, like always, on the way home. I'm really glad that I have someone I can talk to about random shit and that he knows how to listen and respond. Stephanie is like that also which is good because I get a guys and a girls perspective on issues. I have to go up to G-boro soon to look for a job :( oh well. responsibility. There are a lot of people that I want to hang out with before I leave, mainly people I honestly have not seen in forever like Gillian, Williams Sr, Mr. Harkins, Ian, Shemeh, Greg and Chelsea, the Catholic kids. Hopefully I can fit everyone in between work and other events since I have to be moved in by august 11. I'm really glad that my stepbrothers and I are getting a lot lot lot closer. Well, I have to get back to "work."
with love
Jessy
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[12 Jul 2005|01:14am] |
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Happy Birthday Ashley girl, I'm very proud of you for everything you have done well in this past month or so that I have known you. Yr a crazy girl. Yaaaaay!!!!!
<3
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[25 Jun 2005|01:12pm] |
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I am glad I am not the person I used to be. I am glad that I was that person so I can now have the foresight that my experiences have given me. Steph, I wish you weren't going through this. A part of me wishes I hadn't said anything so you could have continued with the attitude that you had. However, I don't want to be the person that sits back and lets people get hurt. I know it isn't my place to get involoved but you are my friend so I am going to. I love you babygirl and you don't deserve this. Luke yr still my friend, well, at least you are to me. I'm sure yr really pissed off at me but maybe you will see that I am looking out for someone who is hurting. But you probably wont see that because yr becoming someone who you never wanted to be. This sucks.
<3
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